After being repeatedly spammed with messages related to my clients' websites, I composed the following response to one spammed supposedly named "Fred":
You’re starting to annoy me, and that’s surely not a good thing. I’ve unsubscribed from your emails, and yet you’re still sending me the same garbage. I have never, and will never, click your link because your “generosity” is undoubtedly insincere. Your website will either infect my computer with a virus, or you’ll end up trying to charge me for something. So, here’s the deal:
- You’re going to stop sending me any email immediately.
- You’ll delete my address from your system. Now.
- You’ll delete my address from your archives, too.
- I won’t report you to the FCC/FTC/FBI. (Probably.)
If you fail any of the first three steps above, this will happen:
- I will report you to the FCC/FTC/FBI.
- I will keep pushing the case, including through my contacts in Washington DC and law enforcement.
- Your operation will be shut down.
- You will pay fines.
- You will be left either a) despairingly hungry and homeless or b) in a cell with a hopefully irritable, delusional or exceedingly boring cellmate.
- I will be very happy every single day.
It’s your move. Think wisely. Don’t test Forward View Consulting.
Nathan Yates, M.S.F.
My message was, of course, bounced from the spamming account. As a research analyst and web developer, though, I tracked down the email marketing service used by dear old Fred. I provided the marketing company with sufficient information to can this spammer, but I know that 100,000+ other Freds exist. I'm especially concerned because my clients have also received supposedly website-related "alerts" that range from gimmicky SEO services to downright digital robbery. Each website domain name registration I complete fires up the internet trolls all over again. Forward View's future client services will include helping clients to identify website-oriented scams/spam, and we'll also begin aggressively hunting the online trolls for reporting to the appropriate authorities. Don't mess with Forward View!